Reminiscences, Illusions & Dreams

Irrelevant Questions

2012-02-10T18:38:00.001+05:30

Once, a distant relative uncle asked me an irrelevant question, so relevantly, that I started crying at once. Well, obviously I didn't cry, but it set on fire a chain of questions that followed like a group of pugs behind the small kid... (whatever the corresponding cliche). "Why have you gotten only 65% in college when you got a whopping 95% in school? You lost yourself somewhere, or realized you cannot do better than others?" I know. You would have answered with the former for me.

This question set me thinking.

Students these days come out of school flying out like heroes! "Dad, I got 99%. I am going to do CA!" says the super smart kid. His ego is now bloated up with relatives gaping at him like he was the smartest thing alive. CA.school.topper@gmail.com becomes his e-mail id instantly. He starts out studying feverishly for Foundation exams and guess what, he fails. Now, he comes crash-landing without a parachute and whimpers down to a small whisper and incoherently says, "I *grumbling noises* HATE *more grumbling* CA!!".
The friend of this CA boy who was in science group goes to SRCC. Applies there as he now likes Commerce, suddenly. He applies. Waits. Blinks an instant, at the 'blatant' cut-off (for science students) of 100%. Soon, science kid wails, Sibal trails!
The student who applies for MBBS finds that people with 90% get in with a reservation seat, rather comfortably. While he doesn't get through with a 99% on the entrance exam! He settles for Engineering. (Engineering now, is by no means ordinary, but he feels like he is taking up a Diploma course after dreaming of a Ph.D., sulks the rest of the four years at B.E.)
The kid who got 95% does not get into the Engineering Degree he so wanted to become in Kindergarten, as the mediocre college demands a fee so exorbitant, that he will have to sell his younger brother off to make an IT Employee of himself. What surprises him is, all colleges demand 95% and above, even the dumbest ones possible. (Refer Pic. 1 below) He starts humming in a distant tune, of a one famous Dhanush bathroom song while walking away into darkness.

"Why does life have to be so bad!"

While much of the above blame-worthy situations correspond to the student or the 'dumb' colleges demanding such high cut-offs, schools escape from the rueful parents' eyes. What parents fail to understand is that, with the ever-increasing population, thanks to them, and the ever increasing scores (thanks to the school Boards), regardless of the increase in the cut-off, the seats in colleges are all filled up! Schools award awesome marks and the kids are out dreaming like crazy (refer pic.2 below), only to realize that College/Professional courses are not easy in any way.

"I am the best!"

Increasing population ensures that there are a crazy percentage of people out in the wild craving for marks and seats. Starting up a school is relatively easier than starting up a college. Why? The syllabus is fixed. Current trends say that you need to learn from this-and-this book, and thats it. Colleges require a lot more than just a few books. (Now, you may be forced to ask about the irrational proportion of more syllabus to less books on students hands and vice-versa. Don't. Not me or anyone can answer that question!)

Also, you may think I have a solution to this problem here. I don't. We are just gazing out in the dark. I am your hand. You might think I am leading you somewhere. I am probably leading you to unmarked territory which leads you to further confusion. So, stop thinking any further, and hope for your kids to get that elusive 100% in school and get that seat for the MBBS.

Activa-ted!

2012-02-03T15:57:00.001+05:30

About five to ten years back, there was a bike, the sound of which made all guys turn head and look at the girl cross by. It was the essential humming noise crossing by that made heads turn, regardless of the girl riding it. The bike had a certain touch to it, that made the person feel that it was definitely the female that is using it! People still turn heads, though the times have long since changed. They use four brakes - the frontal, rear, left leg and right leg. If nothing works, the fifth most definitely works. Yes, you guessed it right. The car in the front! "Awww... Sorry.... :-)"

"What you get to see out of the bike is only the flash and the high pitched "WHEEEEEIIINNNNNN..." and its gone. If its slow, its a guy riding it. And what is the point anyway if its a guy?" This was what my friend had to reminisce of Scooty-gazing.

God created Woman and said, "Thou shalt ride thy Scooty on Earth and not wear a helmet. Thy bike shalt bear Three Other Girls and still the Policeman shalt ignore thee", or something like that. Only God should have told this, as I have never seen a girl getting caught for any reason whatsoever. Unless it is something to do with keeping a lot of slippers in their closet (Anyway, they never appear in Court. "I Court myself with controversies, I don't need personal appearances in the Court", they nonchalantly think and wander off.)

Then came Activa, the 110 CC rage, for which girls require nothing but a key with a lot of key chains ranging from teddy bear dolls, name tags, gifts from special ones, gifts from best friends, basically, anything that can be pulled up a key ring, except a modest key chain. They start it, and tug at the accelerator, and they're off. Speeding at 70 KMph, even Rajdhani Express takes a bow. Ever tried racing with a girl on an Activa? The girl and you are at a signal. You look at her bike, and laugh sardonically. 'That bike, THAT BIKE GONNA RACE ME? HA!' By the time of which the following chain of events start to unravel before your eyes :

You	She
Waiting for the Red to turn Green. Your proud grin is now sheepish.	Makes her own green signal. Rides past.
Policeman watches you keenly, daring you to make your getaway past him.	He never realizes the girl fly past.
You are still at the signal, sweating out your burning ego.	She is speeding now past 50 Kmph.
You start off now, shuffle gears and flat out race like Valentino Rossi chasing Casey Stoner down the last chicane.	She is now half a km ahead of you, going strong at 70 Kmph.
You realize, your bike is now flying, but you are closing in. You come nearby. Just left of her, about to overtake. So close!	And she just takes the left to avoid the pothole ahead.
You are also forced to take left, to avoid not crashing into her, and drive into the pothole at that speed. You feel a bout of numbness engulf you at the more important places.	She has picked up speed and is completely out of sight.
Valentino Rossi is down and out!	Winner!

Still don't believe me? Try overtaking at your own peril.

Questioned ?

2012-02-01T14:52:00.002+05:30

Wikipedia blacked itself out for 24 hours to protest SOPA and PIPA and asked the question. "What if information is not free?" or something like that. This brought into the my dull head a spark, a spark that of course, died instantly without further reaction. I thought, why should information be free? Afterall, don't consultants teach us? Why should the internet alone make business so unprofitable by giving things for free? I went on with this irrelevant questioning to end up at this very essential question :

"What if my blogs were not free?"

What would you all do if my blog contained this starting statement? Would you not immediately go to the extreme top right of the page and click? I know I have been asking questions all over this blog and it is probably going to get a bit nagging, but where else can I be myself? What would be your level of tolerance to this situation? Thats alright, do not answer it. It was just a rhetorical question.

There was a point of time when I wondered if blogging was to be made a paid thing. You know, with the Shaadi.com advertisements spamming the page on the right side, so much so that you thought my blog was successful (which obviously it is). I have even imagined advertisements on the blog. Colourful, blinking ads jumping on the right side when you are reading a boring article written by me, perhaps? I probably would have even asked you, on the side, to click the links a couple of times so that I get paid something.

Blogging is a relaxation; a thing to do when one feels blue and there is not a soul that understands your gibberish talk. Opinions take the breath out of me when I have tried explaining them. Also, some things are just far too complicated to explain in words, or to be written out on paper. So, I typed them out here.

Now, that isn't too complicated right? So, if you do like the blog, do visit by once in a while and feel free to read and not give an opinion too seriously.

And I went to CA Classes..

2012-01-27T17:56:00.001+05:30

Long ago, there was a boy who took up a course, and then, he grew up to become a man, of course, in due course during the course. Yes, that boy is I. CA was the course I took. Through thick and thin (more of thinness actually), hardship and happiness, insanity and further insanity, this was what lived continuously with me.

CA meant, classes had to be taken somewhere private. Even though it was a correspondence course that had to be learned out of the books given by the institute, one never found one book sufficient, not definitely the basic Study Materials, pfff... For want of technical knowledge, and of course, some eye candy, people took up to courses. Of course, I did the same (considering my office sported only guys for interns), only to be deeply disappointed by the turnout.

Often, you may find some kid zipping past a red traffic signal on a Honda Dio. Don't abuse him with all your might. He is probably late to his CA classes. At this juncture, it becomes vital to enlighten what these class arrangements are made of. The first 60% of the rows are taken up by students from Andhra Pradesh and Orissa. The rest is left to 'others'. And these seats are what are really FOUGHT FOR. The last corner seats where one can sleep and not be found.

The Honda Dio guy dashes past all the traffic, bangs into an auto rickshaw, almost gets beaten up, and gets in only to find that the class has begun. This is like entering into 'The Matrix' movie five minutes into its start. Missing the first part, he blames himself as he 'cannot understand one bloody damn thing' now. Those who arrived there on time still blame themselves as they still don't understand anything anyway! Everything is, what, German to us. We still stick through the three hours of sheer torture in the name of education and run out in what resembles an organized stampede by a flash mob.

An hour into intense listening, realization dawns on some, that a new subject has been started. Once, a girl (whom I had never seen before in the usual round of classes) turned around and asked, 'What question?' Blinking, I said, 'Pg. 432.' She was fretting now. Flipped through the pages, she kept searching. The regular girl next to her asked, 'Is THAT an Intermediate Accounts book?' Now, the new girl looks at her book, eyes open so wide, and she goes '???? This is Final Financial Reporting class??' and packs up and ran out without even more so a look behind. Now, that is how people attend classes. Blindly, regardless of whether it was their class, whether they liked it or not (just like some teach us, 'BLINDLY COPY DOWN WHAT I AM TELLING IN BOLD RED INK. I WILL EXPLAIN LATER').

Rumour has it that Hotel Saravana Bhavan, Chennai kept raising its coffee prices and still found CA students pouring in. The jaw-dropping reason was found after a survey, to be the intensity of sleep induced during the excellent classes. A couple of hours with the boring humming voice, one peacefully sleeps off, even writing in sleep. The handwriting swaps lines, picks a train and goes from Madurai to Chennai (in that angle) and stops mid-way at Trichy. Suddenly he wakes up, nonchalantly continues writing with one hand, wiping off the drool with the other and thinks 'Thank God, no one noticed!' while the whole class has heard him snore for just that one LOUD time before he shook himself up!

Most of the time, students feign attentiveness. We are used to saying 'Yes Saar' for anything the Sir asks us to 'Respaaand' to. This is how the class once went :

Tax Sir : When IT Dept loses the tax case, it should refund the amount of tax collected, along with the interest no? At what rate is the interest to be given??

Us : ..............

Tax Sir : Respppooond pa!!! (jumping like a beaver)

Us : (A collective roar follows..) Yes Saaar!!!!!

Tax Sir : ???

That was the day he wrote us all off, en masse; that was the day, we wrote ourselves off too!

The Thesis

2012-01-25T15:37:00.000+05:30

Often, I was humoured to have written a Thesis on 'how to while away time at office, while looking most absorbed at work'. This was attributed to my boss with whom I had interned before getting professionally qualified. (Just so, you will not call up my current boss and leak this out.) I would usually be working real hard, not wasting time to even throw away the cup from which I had consumed that 'daily poison to stay awake'. Till the smell of drying coffee beans tickled my nose, went in, throttled my breath, yeah, then I would throw it away. So much so, that just when I get my eye-balls paining from continuous computer-staring, I would get up and have a small chat. Just then, the boss appears. "Venky, tell the truth, haven't you been talking all this time when I was gone?"

(Thank you Scott Adams. Please do not sue me!)

This is life, guys. Not just for me. It is the same case for everyone, just varying in degree of monstrousness. The boss, is universally the person who you'd not want to see when you are relaxing. For one, he can get on your nerves by asking you to work, when you are in fact working. The second way, he gets on your nerves by saying you never work, even when you're working your head off. Either way, he succeeds. And thus, I decided to really go about preparing the Thesis that he had made me famous for. Yes boss, it now exists officially.

How we are after the lunch. The tie is just a pretense.

Office can be classified into six days, all of which are blue, just varying in shades.
It doesn't really matter if you work, he always thinks you are jobless.
If you haven't gotten any work, do not go ask him. He will most definitely bug you by saying "Why are you acting like you're interested in working?"
He anyway thinks you aren't working after your umpteen attempts at driving home the point that 'I work!'. Then why work?
If you stop working, that will probably get him angry. But the absence of something brings about the reality sooner.
Office is to be comprised of four main sessions :
- Session - 1 : Pre-lunch, Pre-tea (Ferrari);
- Session - 2 : Pre-lunch, Post-tea (Employee);
- Session - 3 : Post-lunch, Pre-tea (Cold Tablet); &
- Session - 4 : Post-lunch, Post-tea (Sloth).
Session 1 usually flies off with checking mail, talking on the phone, talking to colleagues nearby. You have your tea for fifteen minutes, and decide, 'Ok so, now atleast for the tea, we work.'
Session 2 starts with some enthusiasm. You think of what work to do, 'Alt+Tab' a couple of times, 'Right-Click' and 'Refresh' vigorously, and Lunch time is there!
After a heavy lunch, go on to Session 3. Session 3 is the most challenging of all sessions. Just because your boss feels sleepy, he gets up and goes on rounds to inspect others. He is doing nothing but keeping himself wide awake. We fall prey by acting like working. ('Why are you acting like you're working, Venky?') If you are walking about with files in your hands, you might just escape.
Session 3 is also the time where you feel extra-drowsy and almost drop off to sleep. Do.Not.Facebook during these times. Your boss is most presumably standing behind you reading what you are reading too!
Session 4 is when you wonder if time exists at all. You contemplate whether the 'one'ness pronounced by Advaita Philosophy really is this, and have probably been looking at the clock for the hundredth time and say to your friend "Vootukku poganum maame". The clock reads 3.30 PM (when the official time to leave is 5 PM). I know, the experience is one of the worst. You are then called by the boss to do some work at 4.30 PM. A work you know will take you all the way till 9 PM in the night. You look around. Everyone start packing up for the day. A look of irritation crosses your face when one of them comes and asks, "Enna machi, vootukku pogala? Hehe.."
After having used imaginary techniques of murdering your friend & boss in one of the most gory sequences possible, you sit down to work. Find that the details are missing. You call the client. Ask him to give the details by the next day. Shut down the computer, stealthily sneak out by 5 PM (I have classes to attend, Sir).

Thesis was good? Obviously. That was the thesis made for my internship. I've written it a year since I completed internship. But if only theoretical things were half as successful as planned. This was what happens at my real job :

Session 1 drives into Session 2 with a meeting with the boss. He has his coffee, you haven't. Because, you have made a big blunder and are sweating it out to correct it. You don't need that shot of caffeine into your body, not now!
Lunch is mostly at 2.30 PM with your head banging with a headache that seldom seems to subside (thanks to missing your coffee). It's not about the work that bugs you. It is the level of comfort you enjoyed at internship that stands starkly contrasting to reality.
Session 3 as you had planned is actually, your 2nd Session. You get back to get called again for a meeting. You are feverishly working on Working Capital when the Presentation is on something about HR Policy. You have that Coffee which should have been had over a break which is long past. The coffee goes virtually unnoticed into you, when your colleague informs matter-of-factly that it's his tea. No time to waste, you get back to work.
Work starts with another meeting and you are slogging hard. You look at the time, longingly. It is 7 PM and you thought you could have left at least by then. Smiling at how times have changed, you look at your boss. He has changed too. He seldom talks, just gives more and more work. You think how lovely your life would have been had you stayed back at internship. A new boss calls for a new thesis. Thinking of creating a new one someday, you smile again and continue working.

P.S. (To All Serious fellows): Before any of you think that this is a bad post on my ex-boss, you are wrong. This is just an imaginary situation generalizing all bosses, thereby potentially including me.

'GRRR', says I

2012-01-21T16:08:00.001+05:30

Inflation - (noun.) Aterm used to designate a state of being, ruled only on bullish sentiments withthe bears extinct.

With Inflation on the continuous rise, expect whatever is left of you to plummet!

The Petrol hike over the past oneyear had temporarily softened its stance and has reduced 0.78 Rs. overnight.Now, that being a cushion, I am thinking what that cushion is made of. You aremade to jump from a 10 storey building and when you land, they give you apillow to land safely. Well, call it what you like, the inflation sure isflying like eagles (no, not the 'hotel california' guys) and whooping down oncea bit to pick on its options and fly higher heights with its own rewards. Newsreports even hilariously state "when petrol rates are hiked, they are donein multiples of Rs. 3.14 (pi)" while reduction somehow are done inpittances. Whether or not the Sensex is setting benchmarks, the householdprices sure are. We should start wagering on the next price rise.

One thing about inflation is that, one moment it increases, the other itdecreases. This is one of those phases in our lives where we rarely get to seea red line falling downwards, except the Sensex of course. If trends were to beobserved, a small fall would then lead to a huge increase again. Call itseasonal nature or stagnated economy, the inflation seems to be sick now andhas fallen down for sometime. No one at this juncture complains. We don't seeany happy faces saying “Yes! Inflation has dropped! Way to go,Government/RBI!!”. Because, they know and dread the upcoming fact that theinflation will again shoot up. They just sit and wait it out, like I do.

And if you thought Fuel is bad, the hotel industry is worse. Whilst atleast asmall reduction is made in the case of petrol (once in half year or so), thereis absolutely no reduction in price of food items. What has beenincreased is increased. "நான் முன் வச்ச கால்-அ பின்னால எடுக்க மாட்டேன். Katham katham." said Rajnikanth (Which figuratively means, whathe has started will never be retraced). And so says this industry. The hotelshave started hiking prices... AGAIN. There used to be a momentary shock to meevery time I got to HSB for coffee. back in 2008 when I started outdoor filterkaapi drinking habits, the prices were somewhere around 13, which startedincreasing. By the time I completed my CA, the prices were somewhere doubled atRs. 24 and I hear (from informed sources) that they might even shoot upto Rs.30/- (Cafe Coffee Day, you have upcoming competition!). Talking of gaining fromthe Stock Markets and investments, there is an industry out here gaining themost of everything.

Vadai which I could get for Rs. 5 at small shops sells for Rs. 15 at A2B...oratleast that was what I thought. Overnight, the price was hiked to Rs. 20,after which I have now decided I will not eat vadai until it is prepared athome, regardless of "the crispy round thing which when bitten makes acrunching noise and goes mellow inside" (excellent combination with thatsambar!!) making my mouth water, eyes hover to forehead levels, irritationincrease, and stomach grumble and well, you know the rest. Now, an angry andseething me says this price rise is not going to come down. GRRR...

That, regardless of the fall in Food Inflation. Food inflation interestinglyhas gone negative, which should mean that the hotels will reduce our bills. ButNO! We are living in a capitalist economy in the guise of a mixed economy,dreading for the coming of a socialist economy. Unlike petrol, these priceswill only keep shooting up with more ignorant customers (ahem, like me)frequenting the places like ants following only one path to wherever it goesto.

Textile Industry is the next in thelist of heavy price increases. Though they had to increase prices as a resultof their raw material price increases, yeah, now you get all nostalgic overcosting management. Ok, stop right there! I am not giving any more costingjargons to you. Coming back to the important issue at hand, these peopledecided that since anyway, we let out heavy discounts at end of year, and thatbeing the only time people really buy clothes, let us increase the prices nowlike mad, and show a discount later, and look like genuine princes! So, thatinflation went on for quite sometime in the news. People lost interest in Arrowand went for Sero. Those who thought of Levi’s went to Palika Bazaar andJanpath. Still, the pockets kept eroding. Matter of factly, I have even windowshopped a few times just to see the price increases, and they are like score ofthe opponents of Indian team on Cricinfo site. Kept increasing!

This brings us to a close. Witheverything and anything increasing like mad, partly from our need for hype andpartly from the media's need to hype, we find ourselves at crossroads. Toeither stop buying too much or to bang our heads on the wall. The first optionseems tenable to me. You guys can still choose the better one. For now, I amhappy and contented to be seeing negative/single digit inflation. Wait! I hearimpending news of a price hike somewhere. Gotta go..

Mess-ed Up!

2012-01-20T14:14:00.001+05:30

Around 60% of the students in IIT are from Andhra Pradesh (Fact or myth, left to the IIT guys to create a survey on the same), half of Mylapore CA Classes are filled with them. People from AP are fondly called as Goltis out here in TN. It may sound like a rude understatement to the Telugu speaking population to be called that way, but it was explained by the great Dr. Kamal Hassan as the reverse of Te-lu-gu, in one of his drunk (irrelevant fact) moods. Well, with that said, we as common folk felt intrigued. Why did they really come by here to TN, when they really love their own places! The supreme education offered? Or was it the beauty of the city? Goltis are primarily big time lovers of their state, so, why leave it? And the answer shot to my mind like an instant flash of magic (which of course doesn't exist). ANDHRA MESS! (No. Not even King Khan shares a closer bonding to TN than Goltis.) With the infiltration of 'unlimited meals and fry with omlettes' into TN in the name of ‘Andhra Mess’, the people of Andhra did realize that, “Hey, we can live here as long as there is THIS mess! Who cares about the bloody city and it's beach?”, and said, "Unlimited meals ra. I am going to study in IIT / for CA!"

An appeal to all generous souls. Ever since this blog has gained leaps and bounds in popularity, a small subscription fee has been introduced. Click here to pay a $ 0.99 fee to continue reading FOR LIFE! Thank you for your cooperation. :-)

(Of course I was kidding. Would such irrelevant content become paid at all? *thought process running both on sarcasm and longing*. Ok, back to the topic at hand..)

Yes people. For all those calorie carefree non-golti freaks out there, this 10-by-10 feet room is probably the only reason for the subsistence of almost 90 percent of the goltis in TN. Mylapore, and almost half the golti CA students live only on Andhra Mess food. Remove the Andhra Mess and whoosh, they’ll lose their reason for living in TN. Not even education or Thirupathi Laddu can woo them! It is, according to me, the quintessential thread that links AP to TN! In fact, the government should consider subsidizing rates in Andhra Mess if it thinks the state isn’t yet overpopulated and thereby add on more people from AP to fall here (considering the Govt. loves messing things up).

Though they are neighbours to the state, there are other neighbours with stark differences. While all Keralites started up tea businesses in TN other than Jessy of VTV Fame, and Kannadigas stuck to residence alone (with complaints of Mysore climate being awesome and Chennai being a dump. Bleh!), the AP people are quite hard to understand. For one, they hate TN! And if you thought they hate TN, you’d soon discover they hate Karnataka, Kerala and any other state out there! For all that matters, I personally know a couple of AP guys who haven't been to the Beach in all the three years that they interned at Chennai!! “What ra is there in that place? Come to AP! I will show you!” is what they quip in a sullen voice. (reason for the sullenness is quite unknown.) There is a mini-Andhra out here people! Divided by the Rayalaseema or Telengana issue, talk of Andhra Mess and their eyes brighten up, ears twitch a little, and tummy wakes up with a loud grumble! (Psst..Rumour even has it that Dr. Vijay came in and thought, if a mess from Andhra works, a movie will! Start POKKIRI production!!)

Curious as I was, I once made the almost fatal mistake of walking into this one Andhra Mess and was literally thrown about by the people who were regulars of the place. The format is quite straight forward: Paruppu Podi Rice; after which you order an omlette in a grand manner; eat the spicy pappu and all the rice served; order the second fry serving;

finish the omlette; order the third fry serving; finish with some 'More kozhambu' rice; have a curd rice with one more omlette and the fourth fry; and...get up and leave silently (if possible at all) after making your mark.

As quite expected, I was not even close. Quite literally ending up like Indian Cricket on foreign turfs - not able to finish spicy food, too much food left on leaf, unlimited-fry-limited-space, everyone eating everything on their leaves - me looking at them with disbelief. Fact was, walking in with a blocked nose, I returned with a running nose, thanks to the chillies employed in the kitchen. On a faint background, I swear, I could have even heard the track playing "Enga area ulla varadha!!" (in Telugu of course). You have to at the end of the day salute their indomitable spirit to go through a feat as big as this, and return back to office eager to work.

I for my part, ended up looking woozy, lost, and sullen for the remaining part of the day, which eventually helped me get permission for a half day to meet the doc. (by which time, you would have guessed I am going back to room to get one of those 14 hour power naps.)

Pongal Release!

2012-01-12T19:37:00.001+05:30

It is the time of the year Tamil Cinema gets the most of a Farmer's day. Pongal comes and we expect loads of releases, well apart from gastric ones. Pongal became a time for expectations for everyone in the Tamil Fraternity. New movies are released to the hardcore movie fans (read, you), five month old "puttttham pudhiyaaaa sooooppper hitttt thiraii padammmms" featuring T.Rajendar, Jayam Ravi, Sam Anderson and the likes are released on TV. There are pattimandrams on why women are better than men, why aunties are more hardworking than uncles, and such other crucial topics. Non-Tamil speaking Heroines who say 'enku Tamil romba pidkum. Adhnaalae solren, Happy Pongal!' patch up with Heroes and the Director to speak about why their movie release is going to stay the best for the year 2012! Dhanush will feature on a few channels to explain why "Why this kolaveri di?" was a massive hit, about how he immaculately planned the song even before it blasted youtube out of proportion, and by the way wish you a happy pongal. There is then the Villu Paatu on TV which you see for a fleeting second while changing channels, Paravai Muniyamma singing a new Village song which sounds the same since her 'Ei singam pola parandhuvaraan chella peraandi!' The advertisements go crazy for screen space to wish you a very happy Pongal, 'Pongalo pongal' and the like. Jallikattu is aired live and the bull springing its horns into the camera is repeated a few hundred times. So much so, that watching Doordarsham logo aimlessly for an hour seems a lovely thing to do.

By now, you are bored of the TV, call your friends and get the hell outta home to catch up a movie. And eventually you find that your options are at best, limited. There is:

Nanban - Shankar directed a remake with a hero who looks the same in all remakes. We are direly hoping he'd keep the handkerchief to where it belongs in this movie atleast, and do some acting. And I hear this might even serve as the wake-up call for him.
Vettai - Madhavan and Arya come together in a weird combination to woo 'Bullet' Reddy and Amala Paul (trust me! It took me sometime to find her out behind her sunglasses). Add some punch dialogues and fights in between. Obviously there'd be love songs, a useless item song which gets hyped with some unknown heroine, and a lottt of aviator sunglasses;
3 - of Why this Kolaveri Di Fame. Planning on capitalizing on the crazy hype it generated out of bathroom singing, one can expect something from Dhanush to... wait, the movie is not releasing? Well, strike this off then; This leaves us with the last of the year...excited? I know why.. aren't the best always reserved for the last?
Powerstar's Aanandha Thollai!!!!! - OK, no more words required.

Why do I get the feeling that Pongal releases are done to release your soul to the vasts spans of hell below you? I know, your eager minds are now confused as to which movies to ignore. You cannot choose all. Be a sport, go to atleast one of them! Oh wait. all movies have been booked fully except Powerstar's. At this juncture, you consider for a moment all the cuss words you can possibly imagine for being such a lousy Pongal, like the way it was last year, and the year before that! Movies released in Pongal are just like that. Lousy and lots of gas.
After you got messages from your friends saying they have booked tickets for "Sherlock Holmes", "Mission Impossible", you abuse them back for going to English movies on a Tamil Day with a punch line, "Thamilan da!". By now, half the day is gone. You look at the wall, decide to go to a mall, and land up at Express Avenue. It is probably the only mall you like. When you enter, you find that the whole of Tamil Nadu has teemed up there, just the way you have.
Flushed and angry, you get out within an hour, pay Rs.70 to park your bike for no reason whatsoever, to get back to your home and logon to Facebook! There go a thousand people wishing happy pongal to the world that seldom gives a damn to even Anna Hazare. Also amidst those posts, is the link to this blog. You open the blog with great anticipation that there is something interesting at the end of day, read through till this point and find that even this blog release is like every other release. Lots of hype right to the end, and devoid of content. Happy Powerstar, sorry, Pongal!

A Game that Won!

2012-01-10T18:21:00.000+05:30

"The stunt scenes were good, however illogical. Stunt scenes were good!", was what I felt after Ghost Protocol. Why do we compromise on logic when something perfect is achievable? Maybe it was after biting into the rotten apple that I had chocolate. That was one hell of a good chocolate. Yes, I am talking of Sherlock Holmes - A Game of Shadows after Mission Impossible - Ghost Protocol. A movie rightly put in the right time. And no! I am not going to compare MI 4 against Sherlock Holmes. They are simply incomparable, except for the heroes, that is.

Set upon the period of 1896, this movie is sure to bring about solid contentment to your mind when you get out. A very important character is lost. A wedding happens. The hero has been challenged by the villain and all through that, the duo of Holmes and Watson string a partnership together to solve the mystery and avert a World war ten years before the First World War takes place. Irony and hypocrisy is rightly pointed out by Professor Moriarty when he states that Man has in innate desire for conflict. That war on an industrial scale is inevitable, and rightly so.

Rarely these days do superhero movies be truly enjoyable. With the help of Robert Downey Jr. we get to experience such rarities. Truly, the charisma oozes out of him for the character. There also couldnt have been a better play by Jude Law for Watson. A good combination in all. It is high time that cinema came of age. Rather than expecting things to be spoon fed into us, to make us think, that is the genre of cinema that we should look forward to. Afterall, isn't that what life is all about?

The scene where 'little Hansel' is released is just so well captured. The fear is shown evidently, what so many of the bombs can do to an economy. Also interesting are scenes where Holmes finds a real match at Moriarty, a case he becomes hell bent to solve. A tad of too much music made for disappointment from Hans Zimmer, however good it was. The goofs were like this : The film is set in 1891. When Sherlock Holmes says he has been in Oslo in the "Chess-scene" at the end, he's wrong. Norway's capital was named Christiania between 1624 and 1925. Well, obviously, I didn't discover this error. It appears on iMDb. That is the level of perfection employed in the screenplay.

It is awefully predictable that Sherlock Holmes obviously survives in the end. You are surely waiting for the moment Holmes walks back to Watson and say something punchy. But to make an unpredictable part out of the predictable ending is what made it all the more memorable. The End ? Definitely not.

The Masala Movie

2012-01-08T14:56:00.000+05:30

After watching Mission Impossible : Ghost Protocol, I had this nauseating feeling of having watched one of Vijay's worst Films which could be comparable to the tunes of Thillalangadi. The logic or the lack of it was obvious; the goofs were for all to see :
1. Posh Aston Martin on Mumbai city, (which cannot even get past that road breaker..er..speed breaker) ;
2. Automatic car parking system with not a man to handle it (In INDIA? No Manpower?) while they crash down even more swanky cars;
3. Climbing on Burj Dubai with not a single soul inside the building or outside of it to take notice; to name a few.

"They asked me to do some stunts and talk a bit. I did.", Tom Cruise with a sultry look.

But what caught me off hand was the extent to which humour has been put in place in a movie which for all knowledge of action movie-loving mankind has been a pure action movie with complete seriousness and brilliant stunt sequences. With that humour, I am sorry to say that I had lost seriousness. All those at the screen were laughing, partly at the real humour and of course, the unintended humour made for the rest.

These days, movies require good Background Music (BGM) to accompany a good movie. The thrills and shrills in an action movie are more pronounced only with the music involved, recall, The Ring, The Dark Knight, Inception, etc. This one unfortunately had one music rolling all over the movie (apart from the Limp Bizkit on screen track) which reminded me of watching Mangatha (Tamil movie) with just one heroic music all over the movie, over and over again. 'tatatataingggg...'

This said, many loved it, maybe because of the lack of a proper action movie in recent times. A starved soul doesn't really care for the quality of food it eats. I do not blame them. After eating such food, the aftertaste my friends, feels weird. It is not satisfactory. It is then that they would realise. This movie, not out of hatred for it or out of complete arrogance, looks more like a movie that a few people decided to do to commercialise India and Dubai to not lose Hollywood attraction. A good attempt indeed, but the other countries do come across to see a very brash modern Indian economy, with stupid horny billionaires using twenty mobile phones on one side and a very poor Mumbai with slum dogs on the other.

You will all love the movie, however imperfect and illogical. I hated it precisely for that reason. The aftertaste must be cured. And hence, I am going in for 'Sherlock Holmes - A Game of Shadows'. Hope Guy Ritchie has done justice to its prequel.

A Game of Chess, well, not really..

2011-12-22T18:50:00.000+05:30

Ok, This is not going anywhere close to where it has to be going. This is becoming like a game of Chess where the king wins some battles finds that all the other pawns, the knight, the yaanais (Rooks?) and the Bishops (Cross minded fellows) have been brought down, forcefully, by not just one opponent, but by a combination of Vishwanath Anand, the computers, Rajnikanth and Me put together (Ok, the last part.. I know.. stop cribbing).

There stands the king, not knowing what to do, staying in the chess game, moving left or right, just one move and still faces a 'check' move from the opposition. Any further move is going to end up in a terrorizing agony to the king or his people.

In short, we have entered a stalemate phase and we are not able to progress beyond this level. There are so many bills and laws pending to be passed, for years now, and all that seems important is whether Veena Malik is found or disappeared altogether. Will Sachin hit his hundredth hundred? Well, the public can't be blamed. They are trying to forget this pain while everything is inflating except their wallet. The only talkable issue or thing that stirs the public interest seems to be Cricket, or SRK eating noodles with curd. "Iyoo".

At a time when tables and chairs are being thrown about by the strong leaders in the Lok Sabha, we are thinking of Bills being tabled in such godly places and finally approving them. There are many other Acts which have stalled right outside the Lok Sabha. The Companies Bill has been withdrawn. GST (Goods and Services Tax), the DTC (Direct Tax Code) and all those are still in the pipeline. One hell of a pipeline this, lots of things lie inside, constipated I believe. To add to the confusion, there is an old man talking like a revolutionary and going on fasts whenever he feels dejected. Dude, you want to do something for the country, work! Don't strike and pull down people with you. That is so Marxist. Ok, don't ask Kerala for tips and tricks.

We, as responsible citizens, have two options now :

1. To continue to stand and watch this irritable stagnation and subsequent decline.

2. To Jump from some tall building and crash headlong onto the pavement.

Kidding, I seriously don't think the second option is viable for all you committed fellows, you need your girl/guy. or for you single people, you need to find out how the grass feels on the other side. (Green grass is made of plastic on the other side, I hear.)

So, all of us have decided to stand by and watch when the villains brutally murder the hero, or is it the other way around, who cares, we can still speculate! Bring in the sweet sweet media then, to fire it out, take total video shoots of the scenario, show instances of weakness in both people, blast both people, never praise any. The foreign countries watch, and think, 'Bloody country. All keep fighting. Nothing moves there. I'd rather go to Bhutan and start business there. Bhutan! Here I come!'

Thats the way things are progressing, or is there any progress at all? Is it ever going to see a better day? Well, as staunch believers in democracy, and obedient children to the 'Father of the Nation', (oh.. okay..) let's wait and watch.

Any moves left at all?

P.S.: All I know about Chess is to lose in a dignified fashion. All memories I have of Chess, is of the Opponent silently saying 'Checkmate' with a 'Bloody, how many times will you lose' expression. I do not slash my hands wildly at the Chess Coins after I have lost, or roll and cry on the floor. I get up and leave even before I hear 'Shah-mat'.

The Failure

2011-10-22T23:24:00.000+05:30

Time to try it again. He pedaled faster and slowly left the handle bar just so slightly and tested if he lost control. A big waver in balance, he almost fell. “What if...? No, this is going to be my day, I will do it, and I shall impress her”, he thought and pulled himself back on the almost empty road. Pedalling back to the speed he felt he could be comfortable in, he dropped his hands from the handlebar, one by one, and then dropped both of them and perched them on his laps. It felt wonderful, to balance a cycle without the hand. He smiled and looked down at his hands, with a sense of achieving what a kid would have achieved at his age.

The smile was on his face until, he lost balance again and drifted to the left and before he could even think, he had crashed onto the lone girl on the street. The girl who was his dream, his fantasy, the reason for his learning all this! And she was hurt! Holding her bruised foot with one hand and holding his cycle with her other hand for balance, she was crying. He knew first aid, but nothing came to his mind. He knew he had to act, but just couldn’t force himself to.

The tears, those tears that he wished he had not seen. He just stood there on his cycle with the hands on the handlebar, unable to lose grip for fear of losing balance once again.

Maya - A Short Story

2011-08-19T14:39:00.000+05:30

She had read the novel thrice already. There was however no second thoughts, she knew she would pick up this novel again, against any other new author. The book had taken her life by storm. The outspoken girl that she had been, she had withdrawn to the small four walls of her room which she claimed could expose her to more happiness, than that outside. Besieged by the twists and turns, she would even dream of herself as the villain, the hero, to even the small rabbit in it. There were even days when she would pen down the thoughts of the story from the angle of the characters in the novel. Tears were spilt for the characters that lost their powers, that went to ‘the next world’. There were competitions held in school and she knew hands down that she would only win it, and so it happened always.

Until she lost the story writing competition, she would sit down, rereading and editing the stories that she wrote. Short stories were written day- in and day- out. She confined herself to her house and the books. She confided to none other than her mom, and no other. If she was ever asked by her class friends, if she had fallen in love with the novel, she would repeat without hesitation, yes!

Until she lost the story writing competition, annually held in inter and intra school functions, she knew that the novel was her love and life. ...Until he won it to a panel of judges whose favourite student was her. A silence followed, the judges had to give it away to him for the splendid theme, they said. She couldn’t believe it. No one can have more superior knowledge of the subject than she did. She knew it. 'How could he then win it? After all these preparations! Did he think he had more savouring a theme than my novel?', she thought. She was ushered onto stage for the first time in her life to get the second place award for what she believed to be supreme.

Blank. That was her mind. She walked over to him, rather angrily, and called out to him “Hey. First prize guy.” And he turned back to look at her. He had known her before. Afterall, she was the one who had won the first place hands down the previous year.

“Oh hello Maya! Finally I seem to have gotten your attention.”

“Yes you have”, said she, not knowing what else to say in the bout of blankness that covered her. She did not know where he might have seen her before. Anger was the first emotion that threw itself out of her mind. “What was the secret? I mean, what did you write about?” she asked, curiosity overcoming tears that had formed in the corner of her eyes.

“Oh, that is the secret. The judges know about it though”, he said and laughed teasingly, knowing she would surely ask back.

“Never mind. Sorry I asked, I m just plain disappointed, I need to walk now” she said and started off.

“Can I walk with you?”

“I don’t know...”

“Come on, it wouldn’t hurt having a companion walk along” he said, and waved goodbye in his salutary fashion to the guys, who were taking turns smiling back at him.

At first she walked ahead and he followed. He then caught up with her, and not knowing how else to start a conversation, started off with the standard cliché “The weather is good today, right?”

“The weather? Oh yeah, it’s good. It’s only my mood that s not making the weather upto its mark.”

“Or probably vice-versa..”

“Huh?”

“Never mind.”

“No, tell me. I didn’t get what you meant.”

“Well, the weather is just too good and happy not to worry about anything else.”

“I’m not getting anywhere. I feel blank now. Blank would be just the right word.”

“That happens, Maya, it is alright. I’ve felt it before.”

“Look, first, do not tell my name. I don’t even know you. Secondly, you’ve felt such blankness earlier? When?”

“Last year. When I had all confidence of winning a story writing competition. I had made all the preparations. I had shut myself to my room, didn’t talk to any of my friends, developed a writing style of my own, to be defeated. By you. Yes, you knew me as just a competitor amongst the thirty odd people last year.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

“That’s alright. I’m quite over it since then.”

“Oh how?”

“Life you know, is like Maya. No, I’m referring to the Illusive Maya. Not you.” he paused, smiling widely at her surprised expression. Composing himself again to a very sombre look, he continued, “Depression could take over you like a storm in the sky. Blue sky cannot stand any chance to the gray ones, once a depression is formed in the sky. There were times when I sat within my house wondering why something I thought had mastered, failed out. Needless to say, when we are in a lull, things always go further down. I wondered why the judges were biased, why they smiled while announcing the award to the winner when I had the best script out there, why everyone applauded their hearts out. I even had started to wonder why I wasted all this time, all my friends had left me overtime, I had become weak from not leaving my room.” He looked back at her “Because I lost, I even started to think why I was even born.”

“That is exactly how I felt today.”

“That was what I felt, until, I saw you. Gleaming face, going on stage to get the award. You had written the best essay, your smile showed it. That lifted my mood so slightly. I wondered how much efforts you put in, I realized that all my thoughts were rubbish, that life just doesn’t end with this. It was that feeling that made me a changed person.”

“How changed. As in, how did you feel changed?”

“I took to the outside world. See, books limit us to certain emotions. If we go beyond those emotions, we live more on an imaginary scale. Life becomes an illusion, and we wouldn’t even realize living it. Whereas living in the outside world after reading those books, adds a certain touch to our imagination. We start experiencing the emotions. We start expecting more of it and let me tell you, we start craving for such an emotion. There is certainly a difference between a hand held picture of the beach than a real one.

“I had more friends. More interaction, many more fights and I changed overtime. I have become this guy now, but constantly grew up this one year in your admiration. You have been my role model to this day. The reason for my award is you, Maya.”

“Funny, I’ve been living your life ever since the previous competition”, she interrupted.

“How so?”

“I’ve been stuck to a bookish life.”

“Well, now you know what to do.”

“Of course, I feel a lot changed now. Maya has been living in a world of Maya. Thank you umm.. what’s your name?”

“Vikas. Don’t mention it.”

“I’ve almost reached my house. I shall walk on from here. I’m still curious, can you tell me what you wrote on? I just want to know what could be more appealing to the judges than my story.”

“You, Maya. I wrote about you.”

Powerful!

2011-07-08T20:36:00.004+05:30

“It’s full moon tonight. I shall expose to the world who I am! I can feel the power rising from within me. Even my biceps seem to have grown larger. I am wearing two underwears, one inside the pant and the other outside. That should make me powerful! Where else is he going to get the power from? Now, I am going to this wall and jump from here and no, I will not fall down... I will fly up up and so far away! If I get tired, I will have this super bean for my energy, and I will feel super freaking powerful again! Ummm... ok not this wall, it’s too steep. I’ll jump from some other shorter place for a start..Oh yes, this one is quite the place that I want. Now, to raise one of my hands.. the right one.. mom said it’s always the best hand. Ok, all set. Now, what mantra should I use?”

“Oink Oink?”

(Turning back startled) “Damn you bro, what are you doing here?”

“The girl from the next house saw you standing on the terrace with your underwear on your pant and a towel behind your shoulders and complained to me!”

“I was doing nothing!”

“Oh yes, you were trying to be Superman!” he said, hitting his head and pulling at the towel teasingly.

“No, I wasn’t!”

“Then why have you scribbled the ‘S’ Letter on your t-shirt, little bro?”

“That is the starting letter of my name...oh damn..”

“Your name is Vijay. That does not start with a ‘S’. Don’t be an embarrassment Vijay. That girl is teasing me too, because of you!”

“Oh is that so?? That is very interesting. I saw you talk to her after school also. What is it anna? Your new girlfriend eh eh?”

“None of your business. Go sleep, you idiot.”

“She is your junior, what business would you have with her?”

(Cheeks reddening, and with the the tip of the ears heating up) “Are you going to sleep or get yourself kicked?”

“Ok ok cool down, I’ll go sleep. Sometimes, being powerful isn’t just about flying. Wow!”

Insights..

2011-07-04T14:32:00.005+05:30

People should have some control over their guns! The real guns I mean, not those plastic ones sold on Deepavali. There was this recent case of a child being shot by a person and the Chief minister of Tamil Nadu giving out a solatium of Rs. 5 Lakhs to compensate the 13-year old boy who was shot dead. The incident also was termed as ‘totally unacceptable’¹ True, that the child should never have been killed for so petty an issue. It has to really be appreciated that such a huge amount was given out as compensation. But on some second thoughts, these further points came to mind:

1. “Dilson, the second child had dropped out of school as his father fell ill and was working in a Plastic Segregation Unit”² This meant that the schools do not have a proper system of notifying the governments (which is ‘hopefully’ very keen on preventing illiteracy at school levels);

2. The government surely will be, had it been notified at this stage, be willing to give a compensation for a more reasonable cause (that of educating a child, to further contribute to the government exchequer) than that of the death of the child (which is more or less sunk). Surely, it is more righteous to compensate a living being than the family of the dead;

3. Now that the child had dropped school, still there was no system to verify that the child who had dropped out did so with or without prior notification. Lack of coalition between the government and the schools could attribute to this cause;

4. The boy had taken up work at a ‘Plastic Segregation Plant’. The boy also was 13 years old - which meant that child labour was hip and happening around the city. During the lunch time, when he ventured out of this workplace only was he hit. Now, wait a minute, isn’t child labour illegal?

5. If this boy had, being in a metropolis city such as Chennai been employed as a person below the statutory age for employment, how many more people are being employed at similar ages which is not checked? Will the government further look into this issue?

6. When plastic eradication and the hazards are yet unknown, it is definitely not acceptable for children to be working there.

7. Had the boy been to school, would he have ventured out during the lunch time, causing such a situation?

There are a lot of things to think about. The government should be proactive from every aspect. Steps should really be taken to avoid illiteracy, child labour and last but not the least, such crimes! May our country's government have a very serious look to all these issues.

^{1 & 2}Taken from The Hindu – article dated 4^th July 2011 “13- year old boy shot in defence residential complex”

'Executive Class' Seat

2011-06-30T10:57:00.007+05:30

Watching a movie in INOX Cinemas for a Rs. 10/- ticket is a pleasure! (Did I call it “a Rs. 10/-“ ticket? Change that to “EXECUTIVE CLASS”, please). The seat isn’t too close to the screen and the same seats as the Rs. 120/-. Now, that is what you call ‘Lucky’ right? Yeah, so I was here for this movie “The Bucket List”. Alone too! Certain movies are best watched alone and so, there I was.

The movie started out well with two silly old lads [Jack Nicholson (Edward) and Morgan Freeman (Carter)] finding themselves in the hospital with cancer. One being terribly affluent and the other having loans and all to his name. Ok ok, I know you got the plot by now, the “opposite poles attract each other” thing. So, predictably they get attached to each other and Edward discovers Carter’s ‘Bucket List’ with his many wishes before he went “pop”. Amongst them was this desire to see the ‘seven wonders of the world’. And so, Rich guy says “Dude, let’s DO this!” and poor man says “Why not? We’re gonna die anyway!” They run about a lot and then land themselves in Taj Mahal, Agra, India. They walk and talk amidst couples doing the fashion walk in the background, in what is a terribly bad set up of the most artificial of scenes that I can imagine of the Taj Mahal. (How many of you think couples with fashion wear are the only ones walking by the Taj Mahal? Obviously, the movie makers thought so..)

And when you thought the gagging artificiality was about to end, when they come out of the set up of a place, and onto the streets. Edward the rich guy shoves his hands into his pockets, picks up some coins and throws them in the air, and what do you know? Like pigeons onto grains, the kids run onto the money screaming “yeaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy”. At this juncture, I was kicked behind my seat and a shout from a rather modern looking girl, with a bucket of popcorn in her hands, “C’mon, that’s not true!!”

That killed me. “What am I supposed to do about the movie? Why kick my seat? Kick out your popcorn bucket if you don’t like the bucket list”, I thought rather ruefully and continued watching. The movie did reach its predictable ending. All in all, the movie was more of an eyewash, with some sentimental dialogues, some cinematography, an attempt at humour with the narration by Morgan Freeman being the only saviour.

After the movie, I had to think over that girl’s “kicking my seat” actions. Well, nothing personally directed at me, I hope. For all that mattered, she had probably never been to the streets to see enough of how people run around, if money was thrown in the air. It is natural instinct nowadays. Throw up something you don’t want, and you’ll find takers for it. And that was very common on Indian streets.

On second thoughts, her anger was justified because of this. If someone threw coins in any American street with some beggars, won’t they pick it up too? Tell me they won’t pick the coins, and I’d probably hang myself! (Of course, I won’t hang myself. What? Are you kidding?) What was the necessity to pick up India for this specific ‘beggar-pick-up-the-coin’ scene? Americans do have a way of portraying India in its rags rather than in about its riches. Something that they choose to ignore with intent. People need to realize that India as a country is growing (however unhealthy the growth be). And if they turn their back to this growth, close their ears, shut their eyes and tell to themselves, ‘India is a poor country, India is a poor country!’, then they are forgetting the fact that India is still growing, behind their back!

Ghilli

2011-06-28T16:24:00.006+05:30

I love arguments, especially if they are about Vijay movies, oops is it Dr. Vijay? Okay, jokes apart, well, nothing else could exist apart from the jokes!

Once, on an audit to a university, far far away from home, my colleague found himself trapped. We had come to know he was a Vijay fan. The discussion then proceeded on to something like this..

Colleague: So what if I m a Vijay fan?

Me: Nothing really. It is meaningless to me.

C: Come on, tell me one bad movie about him!

M: Vetaikaaran, Villu, Kuruvi,...

C: Iyoo niruthunga.. vera padam peru sollunga. Idhellam engaluke thorium flop nu (Stop Stop, tell some other better names. Don’t corner flop movies.)

M: Ghilli and,....

C: (Heating up like 100 watts bulb) Ghilli??? Of all movies, that is the best of his movies. The speed, the passion, the movie was a big hit!!

M: Yeah, I can tell u the flaws in it and you will be shocked!

C: Really? Try me...

M: Well, for starters, Madurai doesn’t even have electric lines in the Railway Station and an electric train promptly drops by the so called “Madurai Junction”. How dumb could people be to leave out such a mistake!

C: That is irrelevant, nobody noticed. Everyone were enthralled in his acting! Next!

It becomes imperative at this juncture to tell that the person we are discussing about is supposed to be an actor, though he doesn’t show any such traits. He dances around like a wobbly punctured tyre sometimes and people feel very proud of it, but when it comes to acting, the guy murmurs normal dialogues, romantic dialogues, angry dialogues, and even in songs he is found murmuring to himself. The actress is supposed to pick up the cue from him and smile and dance around in the next scene.

M: Prakash Raj chases Trisha from the Theppakulam area to the Meenakshi Temple area. That is about 5 Kilometres! These two ought to be good racers to pull out that kind of running.

C: That has nothing to do with Vijay!

M: Yeah and our man is doing his jogging in front of a temple which will have not a single person around it in the morning. Ever seen the temple region being so devoid of people?

C: This is just a movie. You can’t expect perfection everywhere! Besides, if the movie was a hit without this perfection, I have no qualms.

Fast Facts:

1. Vijay is one of those actors who can jump from one bridge to another, some 2 km away and catch running trains right when they are going at their fastest.

2. When he is running, even cheetahs stand by and watch.

3. Every movie, he sports a handkerchief in different parts of body as a strong way of ensuring he does not look the same in all movies. With this kerchief change, he looks different and a lot stronger with each movie!

4. Once, after the get-up change, he is said to have looked at himself in the mirror and shouted out loud, thinking it was the media person!

M: Give me a break. If he hasn’t even made a perfect movie as yet, how can you title him with such honours? Ha ha ha. The guy cannot even open his mouth to speak! He murmurs even song sequences!

C: (Agitated..) Of course he can. You are crossing your limits!

M: What about the scene when they hide Trisha amidst dolls, and his mom thinks she is a doll and keeps pottu for it. Ultimate scene machan!

C: Just because you are my senior, you can’t talk like this!

M: Cool down buddy, I was just pulling your leg. I adore the actor myself!

C: (Defensive..) You are saying this just for the sake of cooling me down.

M: Obviously, what else do you think I should do? Really like him? :-P

C: Get lost! I’m hungry. Going for lunch.

Nothing, really..

2011-06-25T13:46:00.010+05:30

1: “Somebody save me!”

2: “Somebody kill him!”

1: “What’s your problem anyway?”

2: “I have this calculus problem...”

1: “Ah... Old joke, try something new!”

2: “Ok, I have this Simplex problem..”

1: “Ughh. Wouldn’t you ever grow up?”

2: “That is just your perception about me.”

1: “There we go again. Unnecessary use of philosophical terminology. You know what? I think I am slowly becoming like you. The more I stay with you, the more I’ll become a reflection of you. Already I have started feeling ignored by others, just because i spend so much time with you.”

2: “That again, is your perception about yourself.”

1: “Enough of your dry philosophy! Somebody kill him!”

2: “First you wanted yourself saved and now you are happy to have me killed?”

1: “Yeah, somebody should kill you!”

2: “Nobody can do that..”

1: “Of course they can. If they kill me, you will be pretty much dead.”

2: “Look. You will achieve nothing out of killing yourself! Besides, nobody will be willing to kill a nobody like me, just so somebody like you can perceive some things in life more clearly. Anything related to something that has nothing as the central theme is going to be clearly left undisturbed.”

1: “I am going nowhere with this discussion.”

2: “Neither did I tell you, you’ll be going somewhere.”

1: “Well, if I’m talking to my own self this way, I obviously will not be going anywhere!”

2: “At least, anywhere is somewhere.”

1: “What?”

2: “Nothing.”

1: “Well, I’ll tell you something. You cannot just tell something and then claim it to be nothing.”

2: “And there is no need to infer something out of anything that I say. When I say I said nothing, you have to take it at its face value that it is worth nothing and drop it.”

1: “How can something which you claim to be nothing be dropped? It has to be something if I have to drop it, right?”

2: “Arrghh..Wait, I hear something.”

1: “See? I told you, you were saying something. That’s why you hear the same thing.”

2: “No, not the same thing. Something from outside the room.”

1: “Hope it’s nothing.”

2: “Why does nothing have to be something, and something be nothing?”

1: “Because, if someone looks at me talking to myself, they’d think I’m out of my mind.”

2: “I am your mind! How can you be out of it? I still hear something.”

1: “Sshh. Ok, I hear it too. Now get back to me, I’m going for the door.”

Complicated Basics

2011-06-24T17:09:00.002+05:30

When I heard about how the people in Kerala were so well mannered in the way trivial things moved about in their lives, about how the vehicles came to a standstill by the road sides, when an ambulance was crying out loud for a lane to move through, I was sceptical about how Kerala stood out from other states in the country. I even recall picking up an argument that other parts of the country are no less. All this, until I recently watched a scene near to Maatuthavani bus terminus in Madurai.

It is a regular scene on weekends, normal intra-city buses come out of the terminus along with other government owned inter-city buses. And then there is the private “Omni buses” which also ply inter-city routes. And then, other private vehicles like the van, cars, autos, vibrating share autos and people crossing the roads everywhere. Needless to say, the whole place is a mess (No, not the mess where we eat). Sometimes it is disappointing to watch people cross the roads with their bulging suitcases which threaten to break apart any moment. Why aren’t there any subways or staircases to cross the road on such an important junction? Guess infrastructure is never going to be one of our strongholds.

I was crossing the bus terminus on such a regular day, on a bike. A kilometre before I crossed the terminus, an ambulance with its screaming siren came behind me and I let it go through. From there on, till I crossed the bus terminus, it hadn’t found it’s way past a single vehicle. The buses in front never made a move to give way to this ambulance. Two buses were going side by side (to the same destination, obviously) and never allowed this vehicle forward. Boy, does the ambulance driver have a tough job on hand!

This is what culture is, I believe. Sadly, we live in a place where even funeral proceedings are given precedence to an emergency. A state, where an ambulance is not going to be given it’s due benefit of crossing by quickly. When funeral proceedings are happening, we get all patient and wait for them to cross by. Are we all people who’d give more preference to the dead than to any other form of life? On second thought, at least that is given its due preference.

Let us take this vow to leave the “first lane” (the one adjacent to the dividers, whether they really exist or not) to the ambulance, and move to a subsidiary lane if situation calls for. Also if necessary, stop our vehicle and let them pass. Sometimes, people have the nasty habit of racing behind the ambulance, so that they can reach their destination quickly. The more we move along with the ambulance, the more we sandwich the ambulance between other vehicles which will not have space to move about.
Also, we need to make people aware of the need to give way. It is sometimes disappointing that in this ‘knowledge era’, public awareness on such important issues is lacking. More importance is given to “Athi pookal” “kyun ki...” “Dr. Vijay’s next movie (often a dreaded situation)” “Fast unto death”, than such basic knowledge. More so, people don’t even know what ‘lane system’ means. Knowledge is important, but are we getting them rightly at all? Certain basic things are the most complicated to understand...

100% Too High?

2011-06-20T21:50:00.007+05:30

A famous college was in the news some days back for a reason which.. um.. well, quite never seemed like a valid reason to me. What was it all about anyway? 100% cut-off marks is unreasonable, unbelievable, preposterous and all the synonyms on dictionary. The media as usual circled the college issue like vultures. The slightest sign of weakness and the media rampages any organisation with it. Tehelka called it "The Perfect Fraud is Finally here" but couldn't spell the college name right. Guess the media can never stop being vultures.

Being a college in which I studied, or rather spent time in, I feel that it is of paramount importance to talk about it. It is akin to an Indian Institute of Technology for Commerce students. I have had friends who have had the dream to join here since their ninth standard in school. People have put in huge efforts to be here. And after one is here, the media hype around this issue seems all too irritating, to say in the least.

The high cut-off is after considering the following simple calculations:

If one had commerce, economics, accountancy and business math in their XII standard, the marks obtained would be considered for cut-off. If one subject was missing, the cut-off would be increased by one percent. Thus, the 96% for Pure commerce students became 100% for science and Humanities students. And then, we all comfortably chose the 100% for complaining.

Let us take this hypothetical situation. Can I, a commerce student, go to the IIT and ask them to give me a seat because I have a good percentage in my commerce subjects? I would be kicked out like a fanatic would be, perhaps. When this situation seems laughable, why should the vice-versa seem plausible?

At least here in this college, the science students need to score only 4 % more than pure commerce students. At least there is an opening (however unrealistic). Kapil Sibal went on screen to show astonishment “We can’t stop science students from taking up commerce.” True. He can’t and neither can IIM stop IIT students from rushing in after a 4 year course in Science, for a degree in Management. Even so, only that college had the 100% cut-off. Other colleges have lower cut-offs. Science students are surely welcome there, aren’t they? Certain questions will definitely not be answered. Only the negatives will be taken up, as the Vultures rule in this so-called democracy. Hey, at least I get the right to voice my opinion!

With the ranting part done, lets get to the frank and not so angry conclusions. Kapil Sibal should not have talked especially when he has such situations facing him:
1. Increasing number of students is getting record scores every year. Number of students with a higher percentage of marks is definitely on the rise. This calls for requirement for a higher cut-off of marks if seats are limited.
2. Commerce is getting the attention it requires now. More students are flocking to it than ever before. (Earlier it was considered a course for dunce and people with low levels of IQ to clear their school)
3. No new institutions developed for Commerce students, while the Science related institutions are on a very slow climb upward;
4. No real training institutions for Teachers, in fact, even IIMs are suffering from dearth for teachers even though the number of IIMs have been increased in physical count;
5. SRCC isn’t the only institution offering B.Com (Hons.). Science students can surely take up commerce in their will from other institutions. (I believe that bright students will get good grades from any institution as long as the syllabus is good)
6. If there is a problem with the cut-off, deal it with the institution and not with public statements in the media. (This is like the Facebook effect. Girlfriend says “I hate you!!!!!” on Facebook, the whole world thinks the girl hates the boy, more boys try to woo her, when in fact, they’ve just been having a small tiff)
7. Science students take up training for joining Engineering degrees. If they can plan these even two to four years before they complete schooling, why can they not plan for a commerce degree in the same fashion by opting for it by the same time?
8. Last but not the least, school system of valuation needs to get more realistic. It is the closest to a more competitive world and should also be realistic. (The kid manages 97% in school, thinks he/she owns the world only to come crash landing with a fail mark in CA-Foundation exams, blames the whole damn CA for being tough, and eventually starts hating the world around him/her)

Kapil Sibal should have a better look at the school system for examinations. If marks are awarded in plenty for plentiful students in school level, colleges have no other go than to raise the cut-offs to accomodate within their limitations. And there really is no point in shouting around with the media following closely.

Commitment Lessons from Systems Development Life Cycle (SDLC)

2011-06-14T17:27:00.010+05:30

In our CA Final syllabus, there was a fifty page document on Systems Development – Traditional and other approaches. The traditional cycle of systems development is more famously known as the Waterfall approach to systems development. The steps could be outlined as follows:
1. Preliminary investigation
2. Requirements analysis
3. Systems design
4. System analysis
5. System implementation
6. Systems maintenance

I realized recently, that this could be used in the context of commitment also when I had a conversation with my friend who was wooing one of the girls from a Personality development programme that recently concluded.

First, he felt the need to commit - The Requirement. Basically, there was this recent break up and he really felt there had to be someone to fill up the void. Just the same height, just about the same age by the looks of the girl, he said. “Machan, it all seems to be right. I think I m gonna proceed on this! What say?” Well, what would/could I say to stop him? On second thoughts, will I even be able to stop him if he had decided on his requirements? When the management has decided on the necessity, it’s better to develop further on the requirements and give a functional system. After all, no system is devoid of it's inherent problems!

'Feasibility analysis' is the term used to represent a very important stage in SDLC. And so, I suggested he talk to her and check if she suited his needs regardless of his heavy weight expectations. ‘You need a long term perspective to things’, I said. ‘Get over it Venks, I know what I am doing’, was his instant reply. Feasibility analysis requires sense. Nonsense can get you nowhere. An objective analysis is required. (Of course, an objective analysis on something as subjective as the opposite sex is a complete myth.) So, with whatever information that is made available to us, we make an opinion, and if at all we are wrong, “Hey, we only made an opinion, not a certification!” Anyway, (returning to topic) this stage is usually marked by a lot of meetings in coffee shops, public places such as malls and other similar places. The guy called up at nights to talk out his nonsense, which only made more sense to him. To me, I was browsing on the net and just responding with my “Oh really? She said that huh? Wow that’s cool machan! And of course, the regular ‘Hmmm..’” Slowly, the conversations reduced to a trickle of minutes over a few weeks. Not that I really missed his calls but it was maybe his new interest that was keeping him occupied!

Once the feasibility study has been completed, we get on System Design – Designing the system to the requirements. This phase is marked by making the system understand our requirements and to react accordingly. A common mistake one does is the vice-versa. Here, one understands the requirements of the system and lets go of his/her objectives! This mistake is marked by deciding on what all times can be made free for the “system”, to run out leaving all other friends stranded. I still recall one of my friends in Hostel, who would walk out of hostel literally convincing me to stay back for dinner and return only after 8.30 PM, by the time of which my hunger would have disappeared and all hunger left in me would be to strangle the guy’s neck for doing the same thing day in and day out. Once committed, they run away, and God knows where they go off to! However, like sniffer dogs, they return back to the bed to sleep at night. More like a cat without our notice. It is in this stage that one makes most of the time that is available to keep full attention to the opposite sex. This stage is thereby one of the most misleading. The opposite sex thinks later, “If he can spend so much time for me now, he will surely be able to spend his whole lifetime for me! Woooh..” which is the major reason why the problems start and why some cannot understand breakups. The guy thinks, “Now that she is mine, I do not have to struggle hard and meet daily!” this leads to a certain insecurity, but hey, guess there has to be some solution to this problem. So, in Systems Design phase, just BE YOURSELF, and avoid further problems.

System Development and Testing: Closely following the heels of system design comes system development. This is more akin to the movie Inception where an “Idea is Planted in the other person's mind”. My friend then set about his Planting the idea into his ‘System’. A lot of efforts are required in this stage if there exists, a Headwind (A wind against the direction that one is heading to). Headwinds often take the form of other guys, the girl’s brother(s), girl’s basic philosophy, guy’s ability to really express himself (expression does not mean shaking hands the way Suriya or Simbu do in Gautham Menon movies. Imagine a guy in front of a girl closing his eyes with his hands and saying “Malini, nee avlo azhagu” (Malini, you're so beautiful!) or “Jessy, enaku nee venum” (Simbu dialogues are best left undisturbed). And the girl then thinking “Dude, what’s wrong with you?”) System Testing (Proposal), a lot of thinking goes into this phase. The fear of being rejected more than anything keeps a guy up all night. “ivlo naal namma kashtappattadhellam veena poidumo?” is the thought that can keep him up all night. The guy even gets an itching feeling to grow up a beard overnight, but alas, biologically impossible he realizes and instead grows ‘tensed’ overnight.

Once the acceptance is done from the other end for the offer made, a contract is done, they say. So be it, the guy is happy about his new born puppy love and runs about like the pug from Hutch. Soon after a month or so goes by, it diminishes. Micro Economics says, everything has a diminishing marginal utility, and for some, it diminishes rather quickly! Only a marriage contract is enforceable, says he and walks out on it. Now, this turns awry and gets worse by the day until he kneels down and surrenders. This is the last stage. Systems Maintenance – It is not enough to just implement the system, it is very important to maintain the system, if it should not break down or break you down. Regression testing (“Do you still love me?” kind of questions are very necessary to keep things in order) should be done at times and feedback should be very necessarily obtained. Redundance should be avoided! The opposite sex shouldn’t lose interest in you, so, keep updating her memories with something new and something that can keep him/her running in the relationship.

Of course, going through the waterfall approach of systems development could be :
a) very rigid and traditional,
b) Capital intensive, and
c) Completion of the project or the time to be invested in development is not assured.

That is why modern approaches such as Rapid Application Development Technologies are available, such as facebook, twitter, etc. whereby one hears of stories of blossoming relationships within a week of getting to know each other. Of course, a prototype development is not feasible, and you never know if the system works out as one wished it to or even looked like what was promised in the “Aishwarya Rai” display picture. Nevertheless, the basic characteristics outlined above will be of extreme use to all those who are really interested.

P.S.: All characters in this blog may resemble true characters. Names are avoided on request. So, best to leave them alone if they should let me live.

Resurrection

2011-06-01T12:28:00.004+05:30

“I Feel resurrected!” said the Mummy spreading it's bony hands like an Eagle.

“Well, you are Sir..” replied the Agent.

“You mean, i was Dead?”

“How else would you be resurrected?”

“I never said ‘I am resurrected!’, I ‘felt’ resurrected!”

“Feeling comes with being.”

“Come again?”

“Where from?”

“Not that! I meant, repeat more clearly!”

“For a Mummy, you speak good English...”

“You’ve a problem with that?”

“Er.. no. But I think you are really resurrected. You were wrapped in cloth for centuries until I, the Agent, resurrected you!!”

“If you are the Agent, who is the Principal?

“Never mind... I think it is better i shut u down.”

“No don’t do that, i m a harmless Mummy!”

“Aren’t you going to take over this world?”

“Should I?”

“Well, you should, right? I mean, the movies say so! The Scriptures say so.”

“Movies? What are they? I think you got the wrong guy, i mean, Mummy.”

“You are the only thing I found on the third day of June. You should be the destroyer!”

“Thing? Excuse me, i am a living being!”

“Without an eye-ball, hands, skin or any clue whether you can survive the next earthquake! What have I done?!”

“What am I supposed to destroy anyway?”

“Destruction. Destroy it and make me invincible, irreplaceable, eternal and .... whatever other thing that you can think of!”

“..... I am not a genie..”,

“Of course you are not! What was I doing? Resurrection wasted on the wrong Mummy!”, gloomed the Agent, rather depressed.